Keeping the Spark Alive: Nurturing Your Relationship Amidst a Hectic Summer with Kids

Summer is a season that seems to promise so much joy—longer days, warmer nights, family vacations, and the chance to break free from routine. For many mid-career professionals with young children, it’s also the time when school’s out and schedules become anything but relaxed. Suddenly, your calendar is full of summer camps, road trips, pool days, family reunions, and maybe even a few work deadlines that refuse to take a break.

In all this excitement and chaos, it’s common for one very important part of your life to get neglected: your relationship with your partner.

When your attention is divided between work, parenting, and trying to create summer magic for your kids, intimacy and connection with your partner can easily fall to the bottom of your priority list. You’re not alone—and you’re definitely not a bad partner or parent. You’re just human, and life is busy.

But even during the whirlwind of summer, it is possible to maintain (and even deepen) your connection with your significant other. In fact, doing so not only improves relationship satisfaction, but also models healthy partnership for your children.

Let’s talk about why summer can be especially hard on intimacy, and what you can do to keep your relationship strong—even when your time and energy are stretched thin.

Why Summer Is So Tough on Relationships

While we often associate summer with relaxation and fun, the reality is that for parents, it’s one of the busiest times of the year.

• Kids are home from school (or bouncing between camps and activities), which means more childcare responsibilities and less downtime.

• Work doesn’t stop. In fact, many professionals find that summer is a particularly demanding time, especially in industries that don’t slow down.

• You want to make summer special. There’s pressure—whether internal or external—to give your children unforgettable experiences. And while that’s a beautiful goal, it often leads to over-scheduling and exhaustion.

• Your schedule is constantly changing. Without the predictable rhythm of the school year, many couples struggle to find consistent time alone.

All of these factors can create distance in your relationship. You may feel like co-CEOs of the family business rather than romantic partners. Conversations become logistics-focused, and physical intimacy often takes a backseat to sleep or screen time.

But here’s the good news: With a little intention, you can carve out space to reconnect, even during the busiest weeks of summer.

1. Reframe Connection as a Daily Practice

When people think about "intimacy," they often jump to grand gestures or long, luxurious date nights. And while those are wonderful, they’re not always feasible when you’ve got young kids and a packed schedule.

Instead, reframe intimacy as something you can weave into daily life.

• Small touches matter. A hug that lingers for 10 seconds. A hand on your partner’s back as you pass in the kitchen. These moments activate connection and comfort.

• Text each other throughout the day. Even if it’s just a meme or a “thinking of you” message, it keeps the emotional thread alive.

• Check in every night. After the kids are in bed, take 10 minutes to talk—really talk. Ask how your partner is doing, what they’re stressed about, what they’re looking forward to.

These micro-moments build emotional intimacy, which lays the groundwork for deeper connection and physical closeness.

2. Schedule "Us Time" Like You Schedule Camps and Meetings

If it’s not on the calendar, it’s probably not going to happen—especially during summer.

Just as you’ve scheduled your kids’ activities and your work obligations, schedule time for each other. This might be:

• A weekly evening walk after the kids go to bed.

• A lunch date while the kids are at camp.

• An hour on Sunday morning for coffee and conversation.

The key is to treat it with the same importance as any other appointment. Protect that time fiercely—it’s not a luxury, it’s a necessity.

And don’t worry if it’s not candlelit dinners and fancy dates every time. What matters is consistency and presence.

3. Get Creative with Childcare

Childcare is often the biggest barrier to quality couple time. But with a little creativity, you might find opportunities you didn’t know you had.

• Swap babysitting with another family. You watch their kids one night, they watch yours the next.

• Hire a sitter for a short time. Even 90 minutes of focused time together can make a big difference.

• Lean on grandparents if they’re nearby. Let them spoil the kids for an afternoon while you get some couple time.

And remember, the goal isn’t just to be alone—it’s to be together. Even if you’re just grabbing takeout and watching the sunset from your driveway, you’re nurturing your relationship.

4. Talk About Sex—Even If It’s Awkward

Sexual intimacy often takes a hit when life gets hectic. You’re tired. You’re touched-out. You’re not feeling particularly sexy after spending the day refereeing sibling fights or sweating through a zoo trip.

But physical connection is a vital part of relationship satisfaction, and summer is a great time to gently bring that part of your relationship back into focus.

Start by talking about it.

• What do you each need to feel in the mood?

• Are there small, simple ways you can initiate more physical closeness (like cuddling, kissing, or flirting)?

• Are you on the same page about frequency, desire, or obstacles?

These conversations don’t need to be heavy or formal. They can happen during a walk, over a glass of wine, or even while folding laundry. The goal is to open the door to mutual understanding and shared desire.

If this feels difficult or brings up tension, consider seeking support from a sex therapist. Contrary to popular belief, sex therapy isn’t just for couples in crisis—it’s for any couple who wants to improve their connection, communication, and satisfaction.

5. Consider Couples Therapy or Marriage Counseling

If you find yourselves constantly miscommunicating, feeling disconnected, or arguing about the same things over and over, summer can actually be the perfect time to start couples therapy or marriage counseling.

You don’t need to wait for a relationship emergency to get support.

A good therapist can help you:

• Prioritize your relationship amid parenting and work demands

• Learn to communicate more effectively

• Rebuild emotional and physical intimacy

• Set healthy boundaries around your time and energy

Think of it as a tune-up for your relationship—a way to keep things running smoothly even during the busiest seasons of life.

6. Let Go of Perfection and Embrace "Good Enough"

Maybe the most important tip of all: Be kind to yourselves.

Not every summer moment will be magical. Not every attempt at a date night will go according to plan. Sometimes the best you can do is laugh through the chaos, hold hands in the car, and remember that this is just a season.

You don’t have to be the perfect parent or the perfect partner—you just have to keep showing up with love, intention, and a willingness to stay connected.

Final Thoughts

Summer with young kids can be full of joy, but it’s also demanding. Amidst the sunscreen and snacks and splash pads, don’t forget that your relationship needs care too.

By carving out intentional time, communicating honestly, nurturing intimacy, and maybe even seeking support through couples therapy or marriage counseling, you can come out of the summer not just as co-parents—but as true partners.

Because in the end, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is a strong, loving, connected relationship between the people who care for them most.

Learn more about sex therapy and couples therapy in Seattle.